Feelings are Not for Sissies

Posted by on Jul 4, 2012 in Blog, Media | Comments Off on Feelings are Not for Sissies

Feelings are Not for Sissies
Dr. Marcia Reynolds and Lynda Bishop

Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D.

Dr. Marcia Reynolds and Lynda Bishop
EI Mentor, Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D.

What is the difference between someone who is “in charge” and someone who is an effective leader?

What takes someone from parenting to being an effective parent?

What do 90% of high performers have that middle of the road workers often lack?

What makes someone go from being an acquaintance to a valued friend?

What skill determines 58% of your job performance?

What is that something special that some people have that makes them so easy to like, so easy to follow, easy to be around and someone who can resolve conflict or deliver hard news without creating more hurt?

The answer to all of these questions is the same: High Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence (which I like to call EI instead of EQ because EI makes more sense to me) is one of, or perhaps even my most, favorite subjects to teach, discuss, ponder and learn.

I was first introduced to the concept of EI over twelve years ago by one of the world’s leading coaches, Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D.    She was teaching a workshop called “Outsmart Your Brain” and my female manager of the male-dominated company I worked for had the wisdom and foresight to bring Dr. Reynolds in to work teach the staff.  I was lucky enough to be one of them.

EI was not a new idea for me, but the application of how to increase EI and how important it is in experiencing a happier, more successful life was exceptionally useful and jump started me on a lifelong journey of learning through the EI lens.

So, what is Emotional intelligence?  Simply stated, it is the ability to understand my own emotions, manage my own emotions, be aware of the emotions of others, and then manage my relationships and interactions with others with all of that information working together instead of against each other.  High EI is a two-fold process:  Awareness and Action.

The world Emotion actually means “to move”.  Emotions are a call to action and everyone has them.  Everyone is being called to do something when they have feelings.  Happy emotions create a desire to celebrate, rejoice, play, laugh, smile, connect; move towards something else.  Sad emotions create a desire to pull away from, retreat, protect, cry, soothe.  Angry emotions are high energy and can be combination of directions of movement, but it is movement just the same.  This is what is so important about emotions; they happen in between a thought (or belief) and a behavior (action).  The more aware we are of the emotions we are experiencing and that others are experiencing, the better chance we have of understanding ourselves, others, and how to choose our behaviors, actions, words to move us towards positive goals and resolutions.

It is not easy, but it is important if we are to improve our level of success in our personal experiences, our relationships and our world.